remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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