Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize