But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
