just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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