tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got inside last night via doggy door
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