My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
