Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
