The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
