my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
