just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am naked and annoyed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
