It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I touched a dick in church today
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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