In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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