He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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