Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
