So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
