Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think your dad took our porno
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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