Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
