I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
