Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
time to smoke my breakfast
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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