i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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