Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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