i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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