i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
