I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
