Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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