just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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