If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
