So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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