the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
