Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
