It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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