I hate all girls vehemently.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
