FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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