plz talk dirty to me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
