Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
