new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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