Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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