I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
