Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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