friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
