well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
