dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
