WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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