Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
