In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
