YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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