the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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