Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
