peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
