forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
