u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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