bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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