I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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