Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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