I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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