i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's never too late to be topless.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
