Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
