Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Be still, my beating vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
