had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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