kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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