I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
