I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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