I got chris browned last night
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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