I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
