I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
