Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
