But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
