Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
