i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
