it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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